Awakening to the meaning of, How are you?
A different perspective of the world’s most commonly asked question.
A question we typically ask or answer at least once a day, is: “How are you?”. It usually precedes “Hello” and often ends shortly after “I’m good thanks and you? ”. We can all relate.
If anything, the pandemic resulted in new ways for life to manifest through loss, excitement, or gratefulness. It has led us to adopt a new way of working, self-isolating in our homes, and changing the way we engage with others.
I felt that all of this change posed a need for a deeper connection with others that extended beyond a “How are you?”. After some introspection, I discovered that “How are you” stood as an acronym disguised as a mathematical equation:
Helping Others With Advice, Rhythm, Emotions = You
What does this mean?
In the moment of asking someone that old faithful question, think of it instead as an open doorway into their world. This doorway has degrees to which it is opened based on the individual’s comfortability and various other conditioning factors.
Let me emphasize the meaning of the acronym in conversation. Let’s say in this case I am having a conversation with a work colleague who happens to have the same name as myself, Jandro.
Me: Hi Jandro,
Jandro: Hi,
Me: How are you?
Jandro: I am good thanks and you?
Me: Ah, that’s wonderful to hear! What’s good about your day?
Jandro: I woke up in a good mood. I am not sure why but I’m just good.
Me: Interestingly enough, I came to work in a good mood but then I was overwhelmed with the number of emails I had to respond to this morning.
Jandro: Don’t let that get you out of your good mood. I have those types of mornings too but I have learnt to try and structure my mornings so that it accommodates me responding at a rate that keeps me sane.
Me: I’m not sure how to go about setting my structure, could you perhaps run me through your way of working when you have some spare time?
Jandro: Yes, of course, I’ll come over at lunchtime to discuss. Is that okay?
Me: Yes definitely. Thanks so much, I appreciate you helping me!
What have you noticed?
The conversation held a sense of rhythm that allowed the two colleagues to communicate. The individuals felt comfortable to allow the giving and receiving of emotional responses, which is a clear depiction of their emotional state at the time of conversing. It is through this that the advice was appreciated and then explored.
The scenario above displays a connected flow in conversation that we all aim to have; however, there are many factors at play that dictate how invested we are in connecting with someone beyond the old faithful question of “How are you?”
These factors include environment, mindfulness, self-esteem and intention, to state a few.
As humans, we are filled with many interactions during the course of our day, but it's usually the first interaction that you have that matters the most in setting the tone for all engagements to follow.
The first interaction is the one you have with yourself.
Now, you may have heard this before, but look into the mirror and ask yourself: How are you?
Imagine saying, I am okay but I am feeling sad because of X or I am happy because of Y...
The acronym emphasizes that we are not seeking solutions but a level of empathy that provides you with a feeling of being heard, understood and supported.
Key Takeaway
We see the question “How are you?” as being the first question we ask a person as a societal norm, yet we tend not to apply that same norm to ourselves.
You are the reflection of the responses you receive from others and to understand the various responses is to empathise with the YOU in the mirror each and every day before heading out into the world.
How are you? = YOU
