What I am learning from being a 28-year-old relationship virgin
To all those wanting to understand their own love.
Where do I even begin with this story of my life experience with love? I am 28 years old and I have not been in a romantic relationship hence VIRGIN, you know the one where you have someone hold your hand, kiss you on the lips, tell you how in love they are with you, and so much more.
For as long as I can remember, romantic love was all I wanted because I was constantly fed by the media and others that a big part of my life purpose is met with validation from experiencing a deep romantic love with someone.
I’ve often been asked questions such as “how can a man like myself be single”, “why aren't my DM’s overflowing with messages”, the list goes on.
Then what always baffled me was this soul like wisdom I was sharing with others who came into my path and often complimenting me on my viewpoints and guidance that I provided for one to digest. After a conversation, I would ask myself, “Where has this knowledge of love come from?”
Through my experience, I have felt the many faces that love means in our day and age. I have felt the love for oneself, I have felt the beauty and destruction in love stories between two individuals whether they are companions, parents, children or a random stranger on the street.
This led me to ask myself, What is love teaching me?
Here are 5 things that I am learning on my journey:
1. Love yourself
The word self-love has become a triumphant term in recent years. As we hear it often we can easily become desensitised to it however it is vitally crucial to ponder on this term. Loving yourself isn't an overnight venture but a lifetime commitment. When someone asks you, do you love yourself?
What they actually asking is,
Are you aware of the actions and thoughts you manifest that shapes your reality in the direction of abundance or limitations of love?
For a really long time, I was constantly trying to hide behind fear and even the love I possessed due to me being afraid of what people would say if they knew I was gay.
I learnt to live within my limitation unintentionally till 6 years ago where I truly stepped into the abundance of my love and even more so these past 3 years.
2. Everyone is a reflection of your love
On this journey, we meet people from all walks of life who share the same outcome as you which is living to fulfil their happiness. I started seeing that everyone I met was a representation of my love story.
I eventually started seeing the qualities of the individuals that others shared with me and vice versa playing an intrinsic role in the development of how I perceived love.
As of recent, I admired the love shared in my friendships and family circle as being important foundations to carry into a healthy relationship with myself and a prospective partner.
3. Embrace your sexual energy
This is a big one and a topic not spoken enough in our modern world. Our sexual energy is the fundamental building block to our being.
As sexual beings, we need to really understand what role our sexual energy is needing to fulfil in our purpose on this earth.
I felt that it created blockages within me because I was suppressing my sexual energy from a young age.
Embracing your sexual energy starts by educating yourself, having conversations that explore sexual knowledge which might feel uncomfortable or taboo for someone who never speaks about their sex life, sexual chemistry or even their sexual organ and that of the opposite sex.
4. Know the difference between infatuation and love
It is good in my opinion to express infatuation as it's the beginning spark that captivates romantic interest in someone. With all the good that life brings, it's very important that we feel the change from infatuation to love in the relationships we pursue.
If it only remains there it means that the basis of the connection isn't set on something long term which is okay if both mutually agree on that.
I still find myself being infatuated by beautiful men and learning to understand the type of love I wish to attract in a partner so that my connection can move beyond the initial phases of interest.
5. Stop comparing yourself to others
Comparing each other is something that has overtaken the minds of many in today's time with the rise in social media and even articles like the one I am sharing with you. Social media was potentially my biggest trigger.
I would live happily in my single nature till I would sometimes stumble on someones beautiful love story while scrolling on Instagram. I started asking myself questions, why don’t I have that or why am I still single?
Don't get me wrong, there were times where the content inspired me and made me feel good on my own journey of love but there were times where I felt down because the same content that inspired me now made me feel down about my current single nature.
The trick I found and a strategy I have implemented is to be mindful that what I am seeing isn't my story and I need to see that my journey is unique to my purpose.
Conclusion
I felt the need to express an aspect of my truth to inform others who are single hoping to meet someone who truly loves you as you love yourself that the time will come and that patience plays a key element in the attraction of a loving companion.
You deserve the love you so heartily project to the world.
Sometimes you are happy being alone and other times you wish to have a companion in your corner. I often tell my friends that I sometimes feel like the way I love everyone is how I love without the extension of a label. What I mean is, I love you because YOU are YOU not because you are my friend or my lover.
It leads me to question, why do I want to have a companion in my life?
My answer is in a form of a list I have written down about the qualities and experiences I’d like my love to encapsulate and the impact I wish my love to have in this world whether I’m happily single or in love.
